Her Desires

Rules of my blog, ya there are some.
If you find out who I am, please don't link to my name, link to my blog as "Her Desires"
What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, I don't think I have to tell you what that means.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

I bought my plane ticket yesterday. I'm going to see him for nine days. From the 29th to the 8th. I can't wait to see him, I miss him a lot. His son will be with his mother this time around, and she isn't happy that i'm coming to see him. I don't think she'll ever get over the fact that he doesn't want to be with her anymore. She's the one that left and now she realizes what a huge mistake it was. "You did this on purpose to throw it in my face" she says to him. Right. She forgets that she was sleeping with someone way before her and him split up. It's all about her though and she needs to blame everyone else but herself. He paid for everything in the past 9 years, everything she made went to herself, not to paying the bills, herself. Now she has responsibilities and she can't handle them. She even came to J last month asking for money because she was short on rent. Maybe you shouldn't have just gone out and bought $300 worth of stuff? Her priorities are seriously messed up. She also realizes she'll be paying support for their son, plus his private schooling. If she asks to come back to him one more time, i'll scream.

J finally changed the locks on the doors. I feel much better knowing she can't stab me while i'm home alone lol After the "psychotic" episode the last time I was there, I wouldn't trust that woman with my life. She's jealous of me, and I don't know why. I suppose some ex-wives get that way. I think she's more pissed off that her "boyfriend" she was seeing broke up with her and now she has no one, so she's making J's life difficult. Whatever. I have other things to worry about than her. I'm not threatened by her, I know what type of person she is. Cries if she doesn't get her way, stomps her feet...you name it.

Anyways, back to J&I we're going into the city on July 4th to see the fireworks. Well, those are our plans so far, but apparently according to him almost a million people gather to watch them. I'm not sure if either of us wants to brave that. Nine days together. I guess this will be the test eh? Either we get a long great, or it all blows up in our face and we drive each other insane ;) The longest time i've spent with him was a week and it was absolute heaven..he treats me like no one ever else has. I could get used to it.

Oh my, what a debate huh? I never thought in a million years people would even read this, let alone comment. Let me say this one thing, what if I said my husband was beating me? My kids? Would it still be the same situation? The title of this blog has nothing to with anything, it's just a title, get over it.

As for my children, they know all about him, as does my husband. I've been friends with the man for 3 years. Just as my husband has many female friends. I came from divorced parents, i'm not affected by this. I'm sorry that some of you are. I look at it this way; They are happier away from each other, they are better parents, and i'm happy that they are happy. What kind of family likes fighting? I know I don't. Therefore, my husband and I never fight. We live our lives, and we're happy that way. I'm sorry that some of you have such miserable lives that you feel the need to bring other people down to your level.

I love this man with all my heart. I cared for him even before anything happened between us. Sometimes life gives us a different plan. Sometimes you think you found your "soulmate" then life throws you a curve ball. I know what's right and wrong, no one has to "remind" me. Do you really think i'd still be with my husband if it wasn't for the kids? My kids come first that is why i'm still here. That is why my husband is still in this relationship. We've grown apart. That's it that's all. Shit happens.

You don't know my past with him, you don't know what i've gone through, so don't come here and judge me and say i'm selfish. I want to be happy for once in my life, and apparently people don't understand that. I'm probably one of the nicest people you'll ever meet, I would give my shirt of my own back to help someone. So please, anything you say to me will roll off my back, i'm not affected by your comments. I'm a grown woman, and I hate stupid close-minded people.

"Life was meant to be lived, and curiosity must be kept alive. One must never, for whatever reason, turn his back on life."-Eleanor Roosevelt

Monday, June 20, 2005

Maybe I should make myself a little more clearer here. My husband and I's marriage was over a long time ago. I'm not going to sit in this marriage unhappy. Yes, my kids matter a lot to me. Is it fair for them? Me? My husband? No, absolutely not. It's not fair for anyone. It's better for to be the bigger person and back out of this marriage instead of being miserable all the time. I do not love my husband, he does not love me, we are in this relationship because of the kids, and now it's time for me to move on.

In my life I come first, even though I do put my kids first it's time for me to be happy for the first time in 10 years, then I will deal with them. They are young and will understand, they already know that their father and I don't sleep in the same bed as each other.

So ya...maybe this clears a few things up?

Saturday, June 18, 2005

I need another spot to lets say vent? Tell my inner most secrets?

A little about myself:

I'm 32, married for the time being, 2 kids-a girl and a boy, Live in a moderate to high income area, you know...the all American life. Right. I can play the part, but I have a secret. A secret that most of my internet friends know, but not anyone in direct contact with me. I have a friend, a friend who i'm deeply in love with, whom I go see every month for a week at a time. He is my best friend, my "boyfriend," my lover....he is what people say a "soulmate" should be.

A little background. We've been friends for quite some time, coming up on 3 years. He and I were strictly friends, nothing else. We did the harmless flirting thing, but nothing serious. In November he told me his wife said she didn't love him anymore and was moving out. Well she didn't move out until the end of February (another story for another time) I felt bad for him. Him and I talked about my relationship with my husband, or lack there of, and him the same, so the news really didn't come as a shock to me, and secretly I was glad because of the type of person she is, he didn't need her and would be a much better person without her. A week later in November, the 24th to be precise (i'm female, I remember dates) him and I started talking on the phone, we talked a few times before and since he practically knew my life story I was always comfortable talking to him. He told me exactly what happened between them...and before I knew it and unbenounced to us...that's how it all started.

Since that November 24th, I have talked to him everyday for seven months. I have never met him face to face before, we met through our blogs. I was going to go up north were he lives with my sister in-law in December, he wanted to meet me. I wasn't nervous, and I kinda wanted to meet him too. I mean I shared my inner-most thoughts with this man, my life...he was a stranger, but my best friend. Some how the plan with my SIL fell through...we still wanted to meet each other. We decided to meet half way in DC. He flew down, I drove up.

It was the most nerve wracking thing in my life. I walked into the lobby of the Hyatt, and I saw him...I knew it was him even though I barely saw any pictures of him. My stomach did flips and I think I actually felt like throwing up. He walked towards me and I smiled. He kissed and hugged me...we went upstairs to drop of my bags and he said he was hungry...we went downstairs and ate. Well he ate, I was nervous. I played with my napkin a lot. He still doesn't let me live that down. Apparently it was a lot because I didn't think I was playing with it that much!

After lunch we went up to the room, where he grabbed me and kissed me. I enjoyed it. Immensly. I returned the kiss and I wanted more. There was more, trust me, there was a lot more.

Like I said for the past 7 months i've been with this man for a week at a time almost every month since that December meeting.

I have a diary I have written in since we've met....and over the course of time I will publish these entries. Among other things. This place may get a little steamy, so hold on to your socks.

More later....